For those of you that are entertaining thoughts of running for any sort of political office this year, I've put together this helpful fill-in-the-blank template.
[Cue slideshow of ominous black and white pictures of well-known politicians who are part of the "Washington Elite"]
"Are you tired of the same old thing in Washington? Are you ready for new blood? It's time for a changing of the guard! Let's vote out the liberal socialists who are ruining our country and mortgaging our children's future!
[Cut to softly filtered video of well-groomed families sitting on front porches, freshly mown grass and well groomed farmlands]
I am a Washington outsider. I have never taken money from those evil lobbyists who have infilterated the ranks of our nation's capital. I spent my formative years working in my [fill in the blank] family business. I have [X] number of years of Real World Experience running [insert name of privately owned] business.
[Cut to a headshot of yourself, looking earnestly into the camera. Try to wear a sternly passionate, outraged-about-what's-happening-in-Washington sort of look on your face.]
I will bring Real Change to Washington! My name is [X] and I would sincerely appreciate your vote on [fill in the election date]."
You're welcome. You can thank me by sending massive amounts of pork to my congressional district after you're elected.
The random thoughts of a passionate moderate who is incurably addicted to music, practical philosophy, and learning new things.